The Four Love buckets –
What is love?
And how do we even feel loved?
Let me explain… There are 4 ways that we can feel loved.
The first one is self love
Self love is the ONLY love that we can control
It’s the only love that we can fully 100% rely on.
And it’s ok to love yourself.
It really is.
Self love is the feeling of knowing who you are at your core.
Self love is not external.
It’s not EGO.
It’s about recognising that you’ve been through good times and bad.
It’s accepting you for who you are.
Self love is very much an internal love
Now…..
The other ways we feel loved is from EXTERNAL SOURCES
Which brings me to
The second type of love
The Love from others – this could be friends, family or work colleagues
The third type of love is
The love from an intimate partner
The Fourth type of love is
The love from children or pets.
And…. Sometimes we DO look for love in all the wrong places.
Here’s the important part..
The last 3 ways to feel loved are from external sources
Meaning you CAN NOT control these!!
No matter how hard you try….
Because at different times in your life, people will take their love away from you
through no fault of your own!
And… at different points in time, these external sources may have felt full of love..
some were overflowing
Then one day it may have stopped abruptly…..
If all of your external sources get taken away at once, it can feel dreadful. It can make you feel sad.
Empty.
If we only focus on external love. That’s the risk we take.
This love is outside of our control
It is love outside of us.
Because remember.. You can’t control other people and how they feel.
You can only control how you feel about the situation.
This is why it’s very important for you to focus on your own love wholeheartedly first.
Your love is the only love that you CAN control..
Guard it with your life!
And remember You still have plenty of love to go around….
But
Your default position needs to be
that you focus on self love first.
Because watch what happens….
If a break up occurs with an intimate partner
and if we have focused on them loving us in order for us to feel happy…..
If they take their love away.
We’ve left ourselves with nothing.
Their love could have made us feel happy.
even though it’s wonderful to have, we can’t rely on external love to make us happy.
And know that..
It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy but yourself.
It’s up to you.
Soooo.. It’s time to love you first.
Focus on Self love first and guard it with your life.
Say nice things to yourself.
Be kind to yourself.
Take care of yourself
Know that you are doing the best with what you have.
And most importantly
Love yourself first.
Lisa B is the author of Banish The Bitch And Bring Out The Babe and host of The Lisa B Show.
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