What’s wrong with ‘on again off again’ relationships?
Quite simply these types of relationships muck up your head.
They are not healthy for you or anyone around you.
When you’re in an ‘on again off again’ relationship – this person fills some of your needs. Someone to go out with. Someone to share things with. Someone to hug and to hold. Short term.
Think of them as a band aid. That band aid might cover a wound, but the wound is still there.
There’s something not quite right in your relationship and you both know it. Because…. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on again, off again. Whether it’s his lack of commitment to you, or yours to him. It could be you both know you’re not suited but you hang on anyway. It’s convenient.
Bottom line is you both know your relationship is in trouble. It can feel like a roller coaster. One minute you’re on top of the world, then next minute you’re in the pits of hell. It’s like you’re fighting to be together. Fighting against love, not fighting for it.
Love shouldn’t be this hard. Friendships shouldn’t be this hard.
The pain at times can feel too much until one of you decides to call it quits or you both decide. (This happens frequently)
What happens then?
Sometimes amazing shifts happen.
Sometimes once you have started to accept the ‘end’ – it’s painful for a few days.
Then something happens. You change.
Your mind gets clear. You start to picture how your life will be without him. It actually looks ok! It actually looks happy with less pain.
You start to feel certain. In the uncertain world of the man you were with …. You finally see that you don’t really need him. You start to empower yourself. You start to look forward to a life without him because you know you’ve got this handled. You don’t want that pain again.
Men can become our strength and our weakness. As we can be his.
Let me explain – We can rely on a man to be our rock. To know he’ll be there for us. We can be his rock too but generally feminine energy relies on him having our back more so. We can sometimes feel stronger when we’re with him than we do without. He can be our weakness in that if we rely on him, when he’s not there, we feel powerless. We can feel weak.
We need to empower ourselves by strengthening the life we have now. We need to live in today NOT what MIGHT happen in the future with him. Because…. nothing may happen. This could go on forever.
Is that what you want?
You can’t put your life on hold for what might be. You can’t live in hope. You can’t hope things will get miraculously better. You have to live in reality of what’s happening now.
Think…. What are you certain of? You need to think about what you CAN do.
What you need to consider is…. Is this person stopping you from being with your real Mr Right? The man you are with now might just be your Mr Right now. If this is the case, whatever needs he is filling, you need to try and fill them else where.
If you have any hope of finding your Mr Right, you need to end it with this guy.
You need to let him know how you DO want to be treated.
If you are both non committed, it’s causing you both heartache.
If you sincerely are happy with a casual relationship – make it that. Get on with your life in the meantime. Call it for what it is. But… Consider dating others.
If your unhappy more than you are happy with him… if there’s no commitment…
Start planning your life on your terms.
How do you see your life in the future? How do you want your relationship to be?
You can have that! You can have everything you want as long as you focus on your outcome. Empower yourself to see your life exactly as you want it.
You will be with a man because you are head over heels in love with him. If that’s your outcome and your plan.
Get strong. Empower yourself. Life is too short.
Remember, follow your heart but take your brain with you.
Lisa B is the author of Banish The Bitch And Bring Out The Babe and host of The Lisa B Show.
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